youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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