I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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