8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she smelled like a LAN party
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
