these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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