i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my poor anus
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
