I must be too annoying 4 u.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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