so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
