I cockslap morals
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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