Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
