That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize