Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
