One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
