babies were throwing up all over the place
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
