I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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