Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
