Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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