For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
