a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
