My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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