I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
