Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
