batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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