Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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