lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
