forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
