I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
