Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
