he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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