I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
