Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
