You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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