you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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