i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Welp...herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
