This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
