I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
