david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
