They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize