New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize