Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
