How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
