i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
