You made me cry and you don't even care
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
