Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can I color on your dick again?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
