I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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