I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
