I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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