I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
