There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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