roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
