ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize