No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
