if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We left an ass print on the piano.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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