btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
