Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
