false alarm. still invincible.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
