Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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