I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is classic penis vs brain.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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