I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
