Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
false alarm, still single
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
