there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
