Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
