I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
