I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
