Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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