Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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