Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
