babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
