Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
