nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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