conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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