I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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