Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
40s are totally the cure
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
