Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Four minutes until I can fart!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize