Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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