Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize