I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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