I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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