i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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