i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My feet surprised me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
