I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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