there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
