he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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