My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
