i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
