bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
