Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
