Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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