my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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