If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
