i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
