Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
