why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
