Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
