I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
