Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
