just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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