the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I forget how to act sober
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